Sunday, April 19, 2009

Under the weather...

The past couple days here have been quite yucky-dark, rainy, and gloomy.

It rained so much, our backyard was starting to turn into a lake!
The weather also seemed to match the way I was feeling, which is why I haven't posted in several days. I woke up Friday morning feeling sick, with my chest hurting, and realized I was battling mastitis again. I have been nursing Luke for 5 months and this is my fourth infection so far. I couldn't believe it was back again, since I had just finished up a round of antibiotics for the other one. Back I went on the meds. I did a lot of laying around and resting and used a heating pad often to relieve the pain and swelling. It wasn't until today, Sunday, that I have felt somewhat better. I must be honest, there have been times when I have asked myself, is nursing him really worth this? This has, by far, been the most difficult time I have had with any of my children. Besides the infections, he has had trouble gaining weight this past month, so I have started supplementing with bottles, which has helped. I expected that, since I have had to do this with each of my children since my 4th baby. It seemed odd, since I had nursed by second and third babies with no problem. They gained well, needed no bottles, and didn't stop until around 14 months, by their choice. I was quite proud of that fact, too! Ugh-that was the problem..I was proud. So proud, that I didn't understand why any mom would want to feed their child some second-rate formula..and I ended up judging others quite unfairly. I truly believe the Lord allowed the problems I had with my 4th baby and on to get rid of that pride. At the time, it was hard, as I felt like I wasn't being a good mom if I couldn't feed her the way I wanted! How silly of me. It hasn't taken me long to realize that nursing or formula feeding has nothing to do with being a good mom. I am thankful that He allowed me to go through what I did with my babies! Otherwise, I never would have realized that and would have continued in my awful pride! So why not just throw in the towel now and go to bottles with Luke? Well, I'm not giving up yet. I do want what's best for him-and for me that means nursing as long as I can,to give him all the good stuff he needs. Yes, I am supplementing with formula, but I'm okay with that. What's best for him is to gain enough weight, so he needs it! I probably won't nurse as long as I would have liked, but i know I have given it my best shot. And when I look down at his sweet little chubby face and he smiles back at me, I know it's all worth it! Even though I've been down and out for the past few days, I was able to get in some much needed rest, along with some of the kids, too! Being cooped up inside watching cartoons all day can make anyone sleepy...


  1. You were the one who gently pointed out my own pride a couple of years ago. I knew I was right in how I felt about things and how I was choosing to do things, but there was something about myself I didn't like that I just couldn't pinpoint. You mentioned pride, because you had been there and recognized it, and it just clicked! Yes, that's what it was! Boy, that was a hard pill to swallow!

    I've been noticing it much quicker these days. It is a constant battle, isn't it? But at least I can recognize it on my own now. (And it's about time!) Just yesterday it crept back in again (read my blog about our neighbor). It's such an ugly thing and so sneaky!

    Thanks for being a good friend and showing me my sin! I'm so glad you are open and honest. That coupled with your friendly personality is such a great combination. :)

  2. Oh, I also meant to say, I'm sorry to hear about your breastfeeding trials. :( Your kids are so blessed to have you for a mom. Just keep doing your best and when it is time to give it up, you will know. (Like I have to tell you that!)

    It was my own pride (in part) that kept me from putting Jack on formula sooner than I did. That was so hard for me to do. I had never fought so hard to breastfeed before, and then to see the scale only move 13 ounces in 3 months.....devastating. :( I cried as I realized I had no other choice, but I also knew he would be okay. I still tried to nurse him for 3 more months until there was nothing left for him, but we had made it to 11 months, so not bad! He ended up being bigger than Jacob was at a year!!!!! :)

  3. Cindy,
    Yes, pride is a constant struggle for me! Once I deal with it in one area, it seems to pop up in another! The Lord is constantly humbling me-I certainly need it!

  4. I had to supplement, too, with my last two. Congrats on the pride thing. Have you tried probiotics for the infection instead of anti-biotics. They may work better. And try putting a little EV coconut oil on the nipple before and after nursing.(it's very good for the baby)Hope it gets better. I've never had it. Bless your heart.